Edisi Lawak! Koleksi Lawak dalam Bahasa Inggeris!

Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.

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Customer : Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.

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Customer : Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That’s all right, Sir, he won’t drink much.

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Customer : Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

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Customer : Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter : I wouldn’t know, Sir, I’m a waiter,not a fortune teller

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Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But why aren’t you laughing?

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Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

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Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask I can take this train to
Kuala Lumpur.
Station Master : No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

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Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the
game went into extra time.

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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

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A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a
commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table
and shouted, “Order, order.” The drunkard immediately responded,
“Thank you, your honour, I’ll have a scotch and soda.”

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Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Penang in
two days time?
Post Master : Well it might do.
Customer : I bet you, it won’t.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It’s addressed to Johor.

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An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
‘My trouble is,’ he said, ‘that I keep forgetting things.’
‘How long has this been going on?’ asked the psychiatrist.
‘How long has what been going on?’ said the man.

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Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

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1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

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Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

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Teacher : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field”
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

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Waiter : I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.
Customer : Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu

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Sila baca selanjutnya → Edisi Lawak! Koleksi Lawak dalam Bahasa Inggeris!

Edisi Sentap! Lelaki paling pendek dunia enggan berkahwin!

Chandra BAHADUR DANGI (kiri) duduk di sebelah seorang kanak-kanak di daerah Jhapa, Nepal pada 6 Februari lalu. 

 

Seorang warga emas yang didakwa lelaki terpendek di dunia, Chandra Bahadur Dangi menyatakan, dia berharap kehidupannya menjadi lebih baik selepas mendapat pengesahan Guinness World Records. Dangi mendakwa dia memiliki ketinggian cuma 56 sentimeter (sm) dengan berat badan hanya 12 kilogram. 

Pada minggu ini, sepasukan pegawai Guinness World Records dijangka tiba di kampung halaman Dangi di Purandhara, selatan Nepal bagi mengukur ketinggian lelaki berusia 72 tahun itu. Dalam wawancara pertama bersama agensi berita AFP, Dangi berkata, pengesahan Guinness World Records amat bermakna buat dirinya selepas dia hidup susah selama bertahun-tahun.

"Saya percaya hidup saya akan menjadi lebih baik. Saya berharap saya akan menjadi terkenal di seluruh dunia," kata Dangi ketika ditemui pada satu acara keagamaan di Surunga, bandar yang terletak di tebing sungai Kankai, 280 kilometer ke tenggara ibu kota Nepal, Kathmandu.

"Saya mahu melawat negara-negara luar dan bertemu orang ramai di seluruh dunia."

Dangi yang memiliki lima adik-beradik yang mempunyai ketinggian normal kini menjalani kehidupan sebagai pesara. Menurutnya, dia belum pernah bercinta dan masih belum berumah tangga.

"Saya pendek sejak zaman kanak-kanak. Justeru, saya tidak dapat mencari seorang wanita untuk berkahwin semasa saya muda. Kemudian saya meninggalkan terus idea mengenai perkahwinan.

"Pada peringkat umur ini, saya tidak berminat untuk berkahwin lagi," katanya.

Punca dia tidak membesar masih lagi menjadi misteri walaupun ramai pemegang gelaran lelaki terpendek dunia sebelum ini disahkan menghidap sindrom pembesaran terbantut yang mempunyai tanda-tanda sejak dalam rahim ibu lagi.

Dangi menyatakan, beberapa saudaranya akan mengaraknya pada festival semasa dia masih muda. Menurutnya, dia tidak berkongsi sebarang bayaran yang diperoleh daripada saudaranya itu.

"Mereka melayan saya sebagai alat permainan," katanya kepada akhbar Republica.

Sehingga kini, rekod lelaki terpendek di dunia dipegang oleh warga Filipina, Junrey Balawing dengan ketinggian 59.93 sm. Namun, jika dakwaan Dangi disahkan, dia bukan sahaja merampas gelaran Balawing tetapi turut diisytihar sebagai lelaki terpendek di dunia yang pernah direkodkan.

Seorang lagi rakyat Nepal, Khagendra Thapa Magar memegang rekod sebagai lelaki paling pendek di dunia selama setahun ketinggiannya dengan 67sm pada 2010. Magar muncul di televisyen di Eropah dan di Amerika Syarikat selain menjadi duta pelancongan Nepal.
 

Sila baca selanjutnya → Edisi Sentap! Lelaki paling pendek dunia enggan berkahwin!